Crossing International borders

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It appears I have a weakness… A weakness for pilots,adventurers, game Rangers, anyone who travels… And travels a lot.

These type of men pack their bags at a whim and dash off for an adventure the minute their hearts get restless and their passports feel emptier than it did a day before. These men are perfect.
And in this I find comfort, as it caters to my commitment-phobia whilst also catering to my need for romance. Hence, my seeing yet another pilot at the moment .

My view to them is what happens over international borders is their business, so I never ask what misbehaviors they have experienced or entanglements they decided upon.

This got me thinking; does the same apply to me?

I’ve grown rather restless in the last few days and sense that another country may need my presence. So, I wonder if the pilot will take the same stance on international romances as I do?

In the dating game, what international boundaries can be crossed?

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(Pictures: Pinterest.com)

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After the storm – 11 things I learned after a break up

1. I am allowed to be blonde 

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During my relationship, no hair changes were to be made without the significant consent of significant other. Some called it controlling, I called it love (pssshtt). My hair was to remain dark and that was the end of discussion. As a singleton my hair changes as much as my mood, blonde today, pink tomorrow?

2. I am the master of my own body 

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My ex-boyfriend was a part-time model and as occupational hazards had he was fit, athletic and gorgeous. In turn, I was to uphold a standard of my own, if I were a kilogram over the acceptable weight line he owned the right to call me “tubby”. I now have now learned I am the master of my own body , I can eat as many pizzas as I damn well please an dhow much I choose to dedicate my life to the gym- my body, my business!!

3. Where was this money at?

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Often, after break-ups, many men have more money since they pay for two -BAH- wrong! I finally have money to spend on me and not shared dinners, popcorn at the movies, the dress he approves of…it’s mine, all mine!!! bahahaha (I feel I may be experiencing a slight heightening of crazy in my single days). …ooohhh shoes!!!

4. I actually have friends

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I was so lost in the planning of “our” weekends that I had never dedicated time for MY weekends. I loved the time we spent together as a couple but now I appreciate that weekends are my own to spend with people who love me regardless of my flaws, my friends, who were often forgotten in the turmoil of a romance but still remain in the after-effects of the break up storm.

5. I discovered family

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When heartbreaks are done and the world begins to be a little lonelier, there are a group of people who are a constant. My family. In my tearful outbursts and overly-ecstatic reactions they remain a pillar of my spirit and a building block forward towards the person I want to be.

6. Heels, glorious, heels

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As a fairly tall individual, I often have to contemplate what shoes to wear on dates and whether my heels are too high or not. I now have the freedom to were stilts and not have to be overly concerned about whether or not my partner feel emasculated due to a pair of heels.

7. I may not know what I want, But I know what I don’t want

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I do not have a boyfriend checklist – tall, dark, handsome etc. In fact, I often just like the person for an unusual reason and I don’t know what that reason is. I may not know what I want in a person, but I’ve learned what I don’t want and it is an important lesson to learn.

8. Wait!! Someone finds me attractive?

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So long was I a girlfriend that the only drink ever bought for me was from my significant other. Nowadays every time someone buys me a drink or pays me a compliment, I am stunned… someone finds me attractive? How did that happen Pssht who cares? You have my permission to carry on.

9. I do not need your permission

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In a relationship I often have to ask the permission of my significant other to do a great number of things, and I usually end up apologizing profusely if I had not. For example, if I decided I need to fly out to another country just to clear my mind a bit, I’d need to ask permission, discuss why I need to get away, fight about the relationship and my ungratefulness and then remain were I was to maintain the safety of my relationship. And don’t get me started on the addition of a new tattoo. NO MORE! I do not need your permission… for anything.

10. The freedom of my wardrobe

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My exes favourite outfit on me was jeans, sneakers and white tank top or a LBD. Now while I like those outfit ideas I’m a girl of boho tastes, loose skirts, backless dresses and off-the shoulder tops – none of which was approved. I now have my narnia, a wardrobe full of possibilities and nobody to restrict me.

11. Not a plus one

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No longer are invites addressed to me as “plus one”, I have learned I have a name! And it ends up on invites eeek. NO longer am I a nameless entity attached to another person. There is a joy in that, oddly enough.

* All images found on pinterest.com

You are A to Z of fucked up

Moo is confused by this?!
Moo is confused by this?!

I like being chased, and complimented, and being paid attention to, but sometimes the man’s affections for me are just not enough for me to reciprocate the feelings back to him… At which point *BOOM* the world explodes and the man that stood before me singing my praises almost to the point of pedestal proportions turns into the type of man who spews insults faster than he can recall his family member’s names.

Let me explain:

On a weekend away with some friends, and copious amounts of alcohol, I ended up kissing one of them and even in my drunken, almost sloppy state, told him it was a mistake and that I apologize but I just don’t see him that way (plus his reputation of wham! Bam! Thank you ma’am! Was not one I was ready to endorse). He then, in protest, gave me a few compliments, to which I smiled kindly and then told him I’m retreating to my own bedroom the way I intended to all weekend- alone.

Well, at that point, the magic transformation had begun – I went from being beautiful to “you’re nothing more than a hot body and cute face – an empty vessel otherwise”, ” you have more psychological issues than buffalo bill”, “your degrees of fucked up are so advanced that Freud couldn’t begin to figure you out”, “not everyone wants you, in fact, I’m surprised anyone does”…the list goes on (in fact I’m sure there was an entire encyclopedia dedicated to my many flaws) so, after his little rant, I did the only natural thing to do- I went to bed.

The next morning offered no apologies and I was labelled a bitch. Was this a case of fierce angst against rejection or was the split personality act I endured just a part of some circus show I’m blissfully unaware of?

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Ghost of relationship’s past

http://potd.pdnonline.com/2011/01/8043The dearly departed are often glorified after their deaths, where once he was a “drunk uncle” he becomes the “life of the party”, and where she was once “manipulating and lying” she becomes “creative, with a way with words.” Whether it is because we, as a human race, feel guilt, shame or our final respects, we do tend to make those who have passed away a shade brighter in their death.

This got me thinking; does the same phenomenon happen in the passing of a relationship? Do we glorify the memories of the relationship that once was in order to numb the pain of the events leading up to its annihilation?

Do we forget the ghosts of relationship’s past?

We insist on running back into the burning room of our hearts, our former relationships, and are adamant in searching through the ashes to revive something that no longer is. We fall asleep to dream of our dearly departed relationships only to awaken with the sting of a fresh heartbreak.

Is it an attempt to feel again, even if it’s an altered memory?

Personally, I think a part of it is that we glorify our former emotions and memories in order to remind ourselves that we did love, and sometimes loved intensely, and the part of us that allowed us to love another refuses to let go of the ability to do so in the future. Maybe, the holding onto our memories allows us to, somehow, let go of the heartbreak and remember things (or people) as they deserve to be remembered; in fairness and in love.

So, to the emotions I once felt:  promise I shall feel you again in all your glory when the time is right.

Is Christina Yang my spirit animal ?

There is a certain sentimentality that comes when one is with another human being. Except I’m not sure this feeling I am able to feel. Maybe the heartache of a relationship past is so severe that the heart/brain does not allow for any amount of attachment or maybe I’m simply not wired that way..

As I lie in the arms of my friend one night (side note: I have a habit of calling the men I’m involved with friends, although I kiss them…a lot. They are all well aware of the fact that I call them just friends, and that I give myself, and them, the complete freedom to see other people. How this functions? I don’t honestly know. But somehow it does)….anyway, as I lie in the Arms of my ‘friend’ one night I find myself completely emotionally unattached to him, while physically we have great chemistry I don’t find myself jealous at the conversation of another girl or on any level wishing that he were mine… I find this very odd.

Will I manage to care one day? Is it me? Or is it the case of just finding the right one? Or maybe I’m the Christina Yang of the world?

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(Ummm don’t cuddle me)